Almost 6 weeks

This Saturday it will be 6 weeks since our SonSon left us. I cannot believe it's been that long, sometimes it feels like just a couple weeks ago.
Two weeks ago someone who had come back from Haiti brought us some of Jivenson's ashes. Along with them, she brought a poem Mallery read at the service where they spread his ashes. There were also beautiful notes to Jivenson from students in Rockford. They talked about soccer and how one day he could play and that he'd be a great soccer player. There were messages of Don't Give Up and Hold On. Beautiful words from precious children to a precious child in Haiti.

When our time of living without Jivenson began and life had to go on, we just went along, kind of stumbling through the days. The farther we get from that day the less we stumble and just survive. But there are moments that sneak up and tears come. Going to get his ashes was difficult and when we had them at home we sat at our table looking at them. Wesli put her hand on the bag and mine on top of hers and we were just quiet for awhile. She said she wished she could go get his spirit and put it back in his body and make him be here....I went up to my room, locked the door, sat in the rocking chair, rocked and cried. It felt so fresh, the heaviness in my chest.
Clothes and bibs we brought back with us from Haiti are still sitting on our dresser, I can't quite bring myself to put them away yet.
Someone we met when we went to Haiti for the viewing, an awesome intern who was working there at Hope House, returned home recently. At church she gave us one more onesie that we loved, one we had sent down and one we held him in when we were there in January. After church I held it close and cried.
He is still so present in our hearts. Even the girls have had, even recently, moments of grief and mourning again.

We loved him. We always will.

..And life continues. The sun rises and sets, there are dishes to be washed, the house to clean, summer fun with the girls, friends to spend time with, dates to enjoy, work to be done, family to see, times to laugh together, fireflies to catch and moments to remember.
We believe there is a future for our family and though it looks different than we had planned, we are trusting that there is something beautiful ahead.

God is ever present. Though I haven't wanted to talk to Him much these last 6 weeks, He has never felt closer.
He is a really big God.
If there's nothing else I know, I know that.

If you haven't checked this out yet, you should:)
http://wavesolutions.tv/jivenson.html