Adoption Fundraising Garage Sale!!!

In case you haven't heard, we are having a garage sale!
We've created a Facebook Event for the sale and here is why we are doing this:

"Originally this sale was supposed to go towards the adoption expenses for us to bring our son Jivenson home from Haiti. He would have been our second adopted child, joining two loving sisters. Unfortunately, his life was cut short by an illness. He was 17 months old.
Fortunately we had the chance to visit him several months ago and spend time getting to know him, as did many others. At a memorial service held at our home a week after his passing, we realized that the story of his life had impacted so many. Out of that we thought it would be fitting to hold this sale in his memory and give all of the proceeds to another adoptive family, Craig and Jeanne Smith. They are an absolutely wonderful family that we've met because of Jivenson. We've been in the adoption process during the same time frame that they have and they've been such an encouragement to us.
Kelencia and Jivenson were friends while living together in the same orphanage before she came to the States on a medical visa. The Smith's, along with their two other children, are in the process of adopting her. Knowing first hand the costs involved in adoption, we wanted to help in some small way, in memory of Jivenson.

Thank you for being a part of this and helping to change a child's life forever."

We have been collecting and collecting these last few weeks and this is what our living room and foyer look like right now and it's only a small portion of what we've got! We are so thankful to everyone who has wanted to be a part of this event either by donating items, volunteering their time or just spreading the word.
We hope to be able to raise as much money as we can to help the Smith's complete their adoption of Kelencia! We pray that God will use this to bless them!

unanswered prayer

I heard it said that God answers prayers one of 3 ways: "Yes", "No" or "Not yet". So I guess we got a NO then. This is not easy to have peace with, knowing that God said no to my pleadings and cries to heal Jivenson. I've experienced God not answering my prayers the way I wanted Him to before, but it was always for someone else. This time the prayers and pleading were for my own son and I felt like I was fighting for that precious life. Yet, I think that if I truly believe in God the Creator then I must believe that Jivenson's precious life meant even more to God because He created it. This is one of the mysteries of God that I am struggling with right now, the impossible pursuit to know God's mind and to fully see this world the way He sees it. With the limited capacity of this human body and mind, I never will.
This is where my faith feels strained, pushed to the edge and overworked.

Yet, inside that difficult and sometimes cynical place, God is. He just is.

Almost 6 weeks

This Saturday it will be 6 weeks since our SonSon left us. I cannot believe it's been that long, sometimes it feels like just a couple weeks ago.
Two weeks ago someone who had come back from Haiti brought us some of Jivenson's ashes. Along with them, she brought a poem Mallery read at the service where they spread his ashes. There were also beautiful notes to Jivenson from students in Rockford. They talked about soccer and how one day he could play and that he'd be a great soccer player. There were messages of Don't Give Up and Hold On. Beautiful words from precious children to a precious child in Haiti.

When our time of living without Jivenson began and life had to go on, we just went along, kind of stumbling through the days. The farther we get from that day the less we stumble and just survive. But there are moments that sneak up and tears come. Going to get his ashes was difficult and when we had them at home we sat at our table looking at them. Wesli put her hand on the bag and mine on top of hers and we were just quiet for awhile. She said she wished she could go get his spirit and put it back in his body and make him be here....I went up to my room, locked the door, sat in the rocking chair, rocked and cried. It felt so fresh, the heaviness in my chest.
Clothes and bibs we brought back with us from Haiti are still sitting on our dresser, I can't quite bring myself to put them away yet.
Someone we met when we went to Haiti for the viewing, an awesome intern who was working there at Hope House, returned home recently. At church she gave us one more onesie that we loved, one we had sent down and one we held him in when we were there in January. After church I held it close and cried.
He is still so present in our hearts. Even the girls have had, even recently, moments of grief and mourning again.

We loved him. We always will.

..And life continues. The sun rises and sets, there are dishes to be washed, the house to clean, summer fun with the girls, friends to spend time with, dates to enjoy, work to be done, family to see, times to laugh together, fireflies to catch and moments to remember.
We believe there is a future for our family and though it looks different than we had planned, we are trusting that there is something beautiful ahead.

God is ever present. Though I haven't wanted to talk to Him much these last 6 weeks, He has never felt closer.
He is a really big God.
If there's nothing else I know, I know that.

If you haven't checked this out yet, you should:)
http://wavesolutions.tv/jivenson.html